By David Sutton
VETERAN HELP NET
CORRESPONDENT
Anna Salviejo-Meyers is married to Navy Senior Chief Joseph Meyers, has 4 teenage children, works as a Utilization and Care Program Manager for Community Health Association of Spokane (CHAS) , holds a BA in psychology from Eastern Washington University and a Master’s Degree from Gonzaga University.
And she is also a volunteer Navy ombudsman.
What is an ombudsman?
“We are negotiators and representatives,” she began.
“The best way Is to explain what we do. We are advocates, someone who is available to act on behalf of another person in order to develop or uncover a positive benefit. We are supporters and act as a communication link between the Commanding Officer and his/her command families,” she explained.
One of the most needed support areas offered for Navy wives is when their husbands are deployed.
“The wife will usually experience feelings and situations she may have never experienced, ”Salviejo-Meyers said. “In reality, the bottom line, after all the help, is that the wives have to figure it out. By that I mean every time is different. There are Navy policies, orders, traditions and a lot more.”
Ombudsmen are professionally trained information and referral specialist for military families.
That job description fits right in with her leadership studies at Gonzaga where she specialized in servant leadership for her master’s degree in Leadership.
It is important to know that ombudsmen are available in all the military branches.
(At Joint Bases Lewis and McChord near Tacoma, the Army is involved with deployed soldiers’ families, which includes training for wives who are struggling with the separation of their deployed soldier/husbands. An Army representative can be contacted by calling (253) 967-1110 and asking to be connected to Family Living.)
Salviejo-Meyers noted that all Family Service ombudsmen programs are developed and organized by order of the Department of Defense (DOD). Each program is then ordered and supported locally by the unit Commander at each facility. A military facility may have more than one ombudsman since the endorsements are those of individual units.
“There is a range of emotional and psychological feelings that surface when wives learn that they are going to be separated from their husbands for an extended period of time,” Salviejo-Meyers said.
There are 7 stages of thoughts and feelings that are focal points in the training of ombudsmen. Armed with their training skills, ombudsmen are available for support to wives of deployed military personnel.
Most of the guidance is new to wives who are experiencing separation for the first time. In some cases, “veteran” service wives whose husbands have been deployed multiple times in their career, can cope with the change but need added support indeed. The Navy ombudsman added that sometimes the older wives will be supportive by just being present at the training.
“The Anticipation and Departure stage can be the most impacting for young wives,” Salviejo-Meyers explained. She guessed that you never get used to it. You just learn to deal with it!
This phase of the training begins about 6 weeks before deployment. Usually, it is a time of tension and conflict.
“Couples may feel denial and anticipation of loss,” she noted. “There may be periods of arguing and conflict as the couple prepare for separation.”
The most difficult stage is Detachment and Withdrawal where the husband and wife psychologically separate themselves from each other.
“They are apt to keep their thinking to themselves,” she said.
Emotions begin to run high.
It is not uncommon for the wives to cry out, “If you have to go…then go!”
Likewise, it is not uncommon for the deployed husband/Sailor to say, “Let’s get on with it!”
“When reality sets in, the Navy wife may feel some relief combined with a small portion of guilt,” the ombudsman said. The total responsibility for family affairs may cause restlessness, depression, or disorganization. In that third phase of support training the question often arises, “When will I ever get used to this?” or “Will I ever get used to settling into a routine life without my spouse?”
“As time goes on,” Salviejo-Meyers said, “Usually 6 to 8 weeks into deployment, the wives begin to Recover and Stabilize. There is a feeling of freedom and independence along with more confidence.”
As the deployment term lessens there is a feel of Anticipated Return. Usually about 4 to 6 weeks before the termination of the deployment, there is excitement as the thought of being together again reigns in the air.
“It is common for the wife to have thoughts of guilt in that she did not do everything perfectly right or did not do things the way her husband would’ve wanted it,” she said. “This is an adjustment period as both partners strive to be a couple again.
“Both the wife and the husband MUST adjust their roles of responsibilities; the marriage cannot and will not be exactly as it was before the deployment. Each partner has had new experiences and has grown in different ways; these changes MUST be accommodated. Being aware of each other’s needs is crucial at this point,” the councilor emphasized.
Each element of the support and training cycle is important. They will most likely lead to the Reintegration and Stabilization stage. Here things are a little more relaxed. This stage can take up to 6 months to complete after a Sailor returns home. It is where everyone gets connected again and feels more like a couple and a family.
A volunteer ombudsman is almost hidden in plain sight. He/she will go about business in relative quietness. They are there to support and train wives of Navy warriors who sacrifice to serve.
“Sometimes we need to be sought out. The Navy (and all the services) and volunteer workers have done an exceptional job of the task, and make up a team of committed and caring partners, ” she humbly announced.
Anna Salviejo-Meyers graciously works very hard as a part of that team.
Well done faithful servants, well done!
United States Air Force can be connected by calling Fairchild Air Force Base (509) 247-1212 and asking for the 92nd Air Refueling Wing Family Readiness Group where Capt. Teri Bunce is the Wing Public Information Officer or email her at teri.bunce@us.af.mil
Ombudsman Anna Salviejo-Meyers with her husband Senior Chief Joseph Meyers