By David Sutton
VETERAN HELP NET
CORRESPONDENT
The shocking news invaded the entire household. The unexpected was bound to happen. Military families were about to be separated for the first time for as long as a year perhaps.
Orders to deploy had been issued!
Wives began the anticipated feelings of the agony of separation from their husbands. Will there be loneliness? What if there is an emergency in the family? How will younger wives deal with supporting a military unit that has taken away their dependence upon their husbands? How can a woman be mother and father at the same time? These and many other questions come to the minds of military wives as they deal with the perils of their husband’s chosen profession of wearing a military uniform.
Each of the military services make provisions to support wives and families during deployments. The Air Force, Army, Navy and Marines establish the support groups within their individual units. All of the support organizations implement basic programs that prepare spouses for the separation. Pre-deployment and anticipation training coupled with practical resources are offered along with other support groups. Each military service group offer creative programs of support. The basic physical, psychological, social, and spiritual needs are met in each program.
“The hardest part of being separated is not knowing anything about the country and culture my husband will be living in every day,” noted Susan, an Air Force wife. “This the first time we have been separated for such a long time,” she said.
“This is his job, and he is trained for it. He is highly skilled. I am thankful that the Air Force does not leave us young wives feeling like we have been abandoned.”
The Air Force has programs in place that are sponsored by the Department of Defense and are implemented in individual Wings. For example, Fairchild Air Force Base has a Family Readiness group sported by the 92nd Air Refueling Wing. The Army has a similar Family Advocate Group with a main office at Joint Base Lewis-McChord. Both support groups are ordered by the Department of Defense and are available to all local Air Force and Army wives, if needed.
“Sometimes I get scared. But I know I must be strong for the kids,” said Mary, a veteran Army wife and mother of 4 children. “Our kids were raised on Army posts and spent time with other kids whose dads have been deployed up to six times,” she said. Fulfilling the role of mom and dad at the same time is demanding but certainly not unique in a military community, she added.
Francis has been a military wife for twelve years. Her husband has been deployed for nearly half their marriage. They chose not to have children.
“Our (military wives) support and commitment to our husbands takes its toll. I am an emotional person and a romantic. Not having my husband’s shoulder to cry on and anticipate his supportive hugs is hard,” she spoke frankly. “Other wives share similar feelings and find a comfort from each other when we meet for coffee.”
There is a myriad of questions that cannot be avoided, especially during war time. Will my husband come home? Will he be wounded or disabled? Will the culture affect or disrupt his life?
“I appreciated the Anticipation of Deployment training sessions,” reported
Rachel, a Navy wife who has experience two deployments. “When Pete (my husband) and I married we knew he would be a career sailor. So, we talked about sea duty, war, and temporary duty assignments.”
“We both had a chance to back out of his career path. We agreed that the Navy choice was joint decision. It was our faith in God and our love and support of each other that made the difference,” she said.
“The care and focus on wives are important, but we need to remember that the men are affected also. We are Navy people, together as one in our commitment to the Navy and each other. Our sailors need the same support we have,” she explained.
“All of a sudden I find myself alone,” said Jackie. “My husband always paid the bills and managed the money. What do I do now? He fixed the car. I don’t know the difference between a screwdriver and a pipe wrench. If something went haywire in the house he took care of it,” said the Air Force wife.
“But I learned very quickly how to get things done. I did not learn to do things, but I learned how to find help,” she laughed.
“One thing that helped being a house manager was a good sense of humor. We could still communicate via our computers. We both laughed at some of my escapades and that helped. I asked him once if he could build a doghouse over the computer! I gave it a shot at building it myself. That poor dog! He had to squeezed into it and the roof leaked.
Several of the wives expressed appreciation for the assistance and service benefits they have. Family Services Offices (FSO) on Army posts, Air Force bases, Marine Corps bases and Navy stations have lists of deployed men. Many of the FSO personnel get to know the wives and families in their unit in order to better serve them, according to Anna Salviejo-Meyers, a Navy ombudsman appointed by the Commanding Officer of her husband’s unit.
Being separated from their husbands for long periods of time make military wives unique and special.
“The separations are traditionally passed off as part of the job, and they are,” said Ellen, a veteran of five deployments. “But there is such a great misunderstanding. There is a sacrifice and a commitment. The sacrifice and challenge of being separated means our husbands are gone…we don’t see them…. we have to keep our wedding vows….we are moms and dads at the same time….and it’s a real sacrifice…..it challenges every bit of our being,” she noted.
Ellen said emphatically both spouses are serving their country, but in different roles.
“He is committed to his Marine Corps pledge and to his career of defending our nation. My role is to make sure he has every opportunity to grow as a Marine while giving him the assurance that I have his back.
“I know that may sound like a true Marine wife. But here is the caveat:
I believe every soldier, sailor, Marine and Airman, regardless of their rank, benefits from the care that is given to wives who take all the lumps of being separated.”
Thank you for YOUR service!
Dr. David Sutton is an Army veteran and resides in Spokane, WA with his wife Vickie